I believe the next most important key to winning in life is having the understanding and courage to exit out of the Conversation of Average. Now, that’s a statement that will need some super clear clarification so that you can easily implement and ultimately win at life.
** If you missed How To Win A Life Part One & Two, check them out now. Part II will be one to definitely read as I got some amazing feedback from others **
So what do I mean by conversation? And how can changing your conversation change your life? Let me explain…
The Conversation of Average
The quality of a person’s life is the quality of their communication. This communication is either internally (the words you think to yourself) and externally (the words you say out loud to yourself and others). Every thought you have, or word you say, creates a feeling within you which empowers you to take action or disempowers and immobilises you. See the following diagram:
Think —> Feel —> Behave
This formula is your way to creating what you want in your life – it’s one step to exiting the Conversation of Average.
If a person who attempted to build a business said to themselves “I was in that business once and failed. Never again.” do you think they’ll feel empowered or disempowered to go into business again? Disempowered of course! They’ll feel like a failure and may believe that business doesn’t work for them. This is the Conversation of Average.
Now, what do you think would happen if this same person changed their conversation to “I went broke but it was my own fault. I’m going to try again and this time be guided by a mentor”? They’d feel empowered about going into business for themselves of course! This is the Conversation of Success because it allows a person to head in the direction of their dreams.
You see, what you think and say to yourself determines how you feel, which will determine what actions you take. And the average person will, of course, live in the Conversation of Average.
See the following table to start making changes in your conversation today:
|Conversation of Average||Conversation of Success|
|I can't do it||I can do it and I will achieve it|
|It's impossible||Anything is possible|
|It's not my fault||I'm totally responsible|
|I have a problem||I have an opportunity|
|Life's a struggle||Life's an adventure|
|I hope||I know|
|I'm never satisfied||I want to learn and grow|
|I'm broke||I'm as rich as I choose to be|
|I'll get to it some day||I'll start today|
How can you start applying the information on this table? Let me get you started. If you're going for a job interview, your conversation can be:
I hope I get the job
I know I'll get the job
Can you see which one is the Conversation of Average and which one is the Conversation of Success?
“Taking action is not hard. Yes, you have to learn a few thing first. But if you go into it feeling helpless, you won't take the actions required to make it happen.” – Shane Krider (one of my mentors)
Luck vs Reality
I’ve heard people say to me, because of the success I’ve created, “you’re just lucky” or “God’s hand is on your life.”
When people tell me this, the truth I hear behind those statements are: “I can’t achieve what you have because I’m not lucky” or “Until God’s hand is on my life, I won’t be able to achieve what I want.”
Firstly, you may notice that both those statements are Conversations of Average. Second, successful people are not lucky in the magical of divine type way. Successful people, in reality, just have an absolute belief in themselves that they can achieve more and out of that belief they’re able to make plans and take action to achieve it.
I personally believe there is a greater force that allows us to create what we want – we are co-creators with God. However, whether you believe His hand is on your life or not, what matters most is that you believe with certainty that you can achieve whatever you want in life and take the required action. Yes, with God you can create with least effort, but don’t use the excuse that you haven’t created the life you want because God’s hand is not on your life.
So how do you create success? Change your conversation to: “I am the absolute supreme authority over my own life. I am, always will be, and always have been at cause of how I experience my life.”
“I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity.” – Oprah Winfrey
What The Statistics Tell You
In my business I speak to people every day who are looking for a way to make their lives better and make a great income. But a lot of people have become suckers for the statistics, which ultimately holds them back from creating the life they want.
Did you know that 40% of businesses fail in the first year? And those that survive the first year, 80% fail within 5 years? It’s a crazy statistic – yet very real! The same thing applies to online businesses and a lot of people won’t get started in an opportunity because they know the statistics, which induces fear into them. Maybe they know of a few people who tried one of “those things” and it didn’t work for them, making the statistics more real to them.
But you know what’s more real? The statistics behind the statistics! And you know what those statistics are? Let me share them with you…
Most people that fail in business do so because they go into it with the same level of thinking that got them to where they are – broke and unhappy. If they truly want to create greater success in their life, they must upgrade their level of thinking. In my personal organisation, I’ve seen some people come and go. These are the people who are excited at the beginning but once they get a little into it they start engaging in the Conversation of Average, and even though there is training provided to help them change to a Conversation of Success, they don’t engage in it. These are the people that quit and later say “the business didn’t work for me”, when it reality they didn’t make the required internal changes to make themselves work for the business. Then the people who are having success in my organisation, they understand that they need to continually develop, apply themselves to their business and actively engage in the Conversation of Success.
Here’s another statistic. Did you know that 80% of people that join a gym in January quit within 5 months? But here’s the statistic behind the statistic: most people that quit the gym is because they haven’t developed the mental strength to continue setting new goals and achieving them. People who don’t set goals quit too soon, they start engaging in the Conversation of Average, they don’t understand persistence, and they never create the results they want.
So next time you’re looking at creating something in your life, don’t buy into the statistics. Instead, look at the statistics behind the statistics – like this one:
Only 1% of the world create true financial independence. They don’t do it because they had a stroke of luck of because God handed it to them. They committed themselves to growing, developing themselves, upgrading their level of thinking, getting clear on exactly what they want, having the right strategy, having a successful mentor, and taking MASSIVE ACTION. The real statistics say that anyone can be the 1% – you just have to decide that you’re going to be one of them.
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OMG — I sooo resonate with what you say here Alex. I won’t even go into detail other than taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, believing in yourself, never giving up, and creating your own success! This post went right to my soul!
Happy you resonated with this post Carol 🙂 And your comment is spot on! Success is not hard. With a little education, anyone can learn what you just mentioned and create the life they want.
Great Post. I especially liked the part about the things that we say to ourselves and how it can make one act. Thanks
Glad you got something from it Catherine! And welcome to my blog 🙂
What a great post Alex, what we say inside and out impacts our path through life. Thanks for sharing
It absolutely does Diane 🙂
Don’t really know how to explain how much I love this post!
I love the “Look at the statistic behind the statistic” – solid gold!
Always a great fountain of knowledge & inspiration buddy.
I loved all Part 1,2 & 3 – Thanks for taking the time to put this together.
Hey Alex! Glad you loved the post 🙂 I told you it wouldn’t disappoint haha
Whooo! Powerful blog post, I love it!
It took a while before I could say that I deserve success…. but thank god I got connected with an amazing entrepreneurial community. I learned… others helped me.
Keep on sharing Alex!
Thanks Dirk or Muriel 🙂
It’s amazing how not saying “I deserve success” can hold someone back from creating it, isn’t it? But it’s once we start repeating it to ourselves that overtime we start to believe it and the success follows. Great point too – being surrounded by an entrepreneurial community makes a HUGE difference!
Words matter is a theme that I come back to often. I like the way that you explained it.
They sure do Marian! I continually get surprised by how powerful the words we say are and how they mould our lives into what we want or what we don’t want.
Boom, Well said, Part 1 & 11 were awesome and this is the cherry on the cake Alex. God to hear from you, Home you had a great time on your European Hiatus 🙂
I cant wait for mine. So Taking personal responsibility for me is Key. Average people like to blame everyone and everything for their non-achievement including the black cat next door of the poor magpie looking for food in their garden…Seriously its all about what we think and verbalize ad Take massive action on period. No action no results for massive success we gotta quadruple the action and lessons we learn. Loved it 🙂
Haha thanks Julie! The holiday was SO AMAZING 🙂
Loved your comment! It’s all about responsibility. Every person’s life is the result of what they’ve created, not the fault of anyone or anything else. To create a fulfilling life, a person must become the cause of their life, not the victim of it.
Awesome post bro on how to win at life! I love the Conversation of “Average” vs. “Success” chart, sooooo true! That is spot on 🙂
Thanks Jeff 🙂
Straight talk and straight truth. awesome
Thanks Steve 🙂
You wrote a great post here, The thing is that, we cant all be above average because then that would become the new average. I think you may find this one interesting as well
That’s so true Daniel. Will check out the article. Looks interesting already!
Great post. What is our level of thinking? Most of us don’t even think about it. If we consciously upgrade our level of thinking from “average” to “success”, true success will follow. Thanks Alex. Cheers, Ron
Spot on Ron – it’s all about our level of thinking. The average person has lived their whole life with the same level of thinking and that level of thinking got them to where they’re at. For a person to change their life, they must upgrade their level of thinking – to become successful, you must think successful thoughts.
Awesome post as always Alex! Love what you said about luck vs reality because I believe that success is not achieved out of pure luck. A person creates his own luck through hardwork and belief in themselves that they are capable and that he or she is responsible to where life will take them. You have to be intentional and you have to speak and think like a winner if you want to achieve your dreams.
Absolutely right Noel! It’s all about taking 110% responsibility for your own results, not leaving it up to something external.
Thanks for sharing your insight 🙂
Truely insipring article Alex Ford, for any grwth or personal development one has to shift their thinking from average to positive. Statistic can be a inderance for development, you have to decide you won’t be come one.
Absolutely right Wayne! I think it’s crazy how much people buy into statistics. Statistics only tell of the average person’s results. If you want to be above average, you must live above the statistics.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
I’ve enjoyed reading all 3 parts of your posts. They resonated with me with clarity. And understand the that what I do from here, I must be held accountable. Especially with the average of conversation to people and also to myself. Amazing Alex.
Glad you enjoyed the posts Dave 🙂 Being held accountable to yourself is the best skill you can have!
Thanks for the comment.
Your mindset and words steer your life! I say and pray my affirmations every day, and it does wonders for my tongue and mind!
They sure do Annalize! It’s important to do daily affirmations to get yourself into flow. For me it’s more In-CAN-tations, which are similar to affirmations but saying them with emotion and intensity, as this helps lock the words you say into your mind and body more effectively.
Thanks for sharing 🙂
love what you shared. gotta focus on the good for sure
Yep, in essence that’s what I was trying to get across – focus on the good 🙂
Yea it’s crazy how big impact words and thoughts can have on what we believe and do. Framing everything the right way is a big key to success.
Taking responsibility for ones actions is also important. We learn from our mistakes and actually you should be proud when you make a mistake because you will actually learn the most from it. That’s nothing to be ashamed of
Two great points Nathan! Thanks for sharing 🙂